Do you ever get caught up with trying to be perfect??
Well I do. I'm a perfectionist & I'm constantly disappointed with myself if I achieve less than that.
I don't know why I'm programmed this way & I hope I'm not the only one that gets frustrated with one's self because things aren't perfect.
I get this feeling of worry of not being good enough if things aren't exactly just so, i.e.: perfect.
And this idea of trying to be perfect applies to most things in my life.
I want to be the perfect wife, the perfect friend, the perfect cook, the perfect photographer...
All of this is constantly burning me out trying to be this perfect, amazing person that exists in my dreams.
When it comes to my photography business I'm always worrying my work isn't good enough and started second guessing myself. As I write this I realise how silly it sounds. Everyone I talk to praises me on my photography, my clients tell me they love their photos. But I worry about that day someone might tell me my photography is rubbish and that I have no talent. Then I'll have to crawl under my desk and rock myself backwards and forwards in the fetal position.
I get this giddy feeling of worry when I present my work to clients. When I submit a photo for competition or critique.
Matt doesn't understand why I let myself wind myself up the way I do. But I just do.
If I'm being entirely honest, this is my biggest vulnerability - the fear of not being good enough.
An artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's.
I love this quote about by Salinger and I should learn to live by it a little more.
Yes I should.
And while I wish I didn't worry quite so much, it does mean I'm always striving to do my best and it makes me determined.
For this I am thankful because this drive is how I've achieved a lot in my life so far.
So to all you fellow worriers and perfectionists out there - have a little faith, worry a little less and live life on your own terms.